perubahan

nak kate aku ni baek.
seriously im not.
banyak benda yang aku da buat slh.
tapi aku nk berubah.
nk bersihkan hati.
nk mule pakai baju labuh2.
baju besar2.
tak nak da beli baju yang 3 suke lengan die.
nk try pakai stokin.
tapi boleh ke aku berubah?
atleast sehari mesti bace yaasin.
solat kalau tinggal, kene qadar.
xleh couple2.
boleh ke aku buat tu sume?
maybe yang laen, aku ade keyakinan sket.
tapi part come to someone that i love.
lemah kot. haihhh.
boleh ke aku ni?
Ya Allah.
Tolongla hamba-Mu ni.

heartless

im getting mad.

seriously.

nape awk buat kite cmni?

did u know how hard im trying my best to love u?

awk sepattnye matang.

u should give me some space.

yeahh. i know u are so eager to know everything about me.

tapi awk pernah terpk x?

kite xde ikatan ape2 lgk.

nape perlu stalk sampai camni?

xcukup ke dgn ape yg kite jujur?

even kalo awk bace all those thing, ape yg awk dpt?

from the beginning i already told u the situation.

so, nothing change even awk bace pun.

kite still xdpt decide gak.

bile jadik camni mcm mane kite nk hadapi awk?

mcm mane kite nk pretend that u know nothing?

awk rase dgn jadik cmni, kite boleh sayang awk lebih ke?

of course not.

sbb kite rase walau mcm mane pun, awk da tau the whole story.

awk xkan sayang kite mcm dulu.

awk akan ade rase doubt dalam diri awk.

trust me. 

im older than u.

i know what u will feel in future. 

please respect me.

matang sket. 

kite tau susah utk awk adapt dengan kite. 

cause of our thinking. tapi please.

this is basic knowledge.

respect other privacy. 

awk buat kite rase heartless.

awk buat kite give up with all these thing. 

i need my space.

i need my time alone. 

will u be with me and accept me the way i are?

akan ade one day every month yang aku akan menangis teresak-esak sengsorang.
rase serabut. rase useless. rase hidup ni no point.
out of blue. no clue. in one minute aku boleh gelak-gelak.
and in other minute aku rase macam nape perlu hidup kat dunia ni?
benda tu normal.
tidur dalam keadaan mata sembap.
tidur dengan penuh tissue di sekeliling.
tidur dengan keadaan saket pale yang melampau.
tu sume normal.

tapi sudi ke kau terima aku dengan keadaan aku camni?
tanpa tanye nape ni?
sbb aku sendiri xde jawapan untuk ape yang kau tanye.
lumrah utk hidup seorang perempuan yang bernama shazana nor hasan.
then esok nye bangun still terpk smpaila someone should make me laugh.
then i will ok.

sanggup ke kau terima aku dengan keadaan aku camni?
sanggup ke kalau kite ada jodoh, u will hug me. biarkan aku nanges puas2.
tanpa say any words?
ape yang aku perlu just belai rambut aku and hug aku.
sanggup ke?
biarkan aku lepas semua yang aku rase.
walaupun mase aku nanges tu maybe aku akan merapu sbb i cant think straight.
sanggup ke?
please jgn terasa ape yang aku kate when im in that conditions.
aku xbape waras pun time tu.
even jgn mare pun aku kalau benda tu will hurts u.
sbb aku xberpk bile cakap tuu.

sanggup ke?

I just want to be with you.

I know they wanna come and separate us
But they can't do us nothin'
You're the one I want and I'ma continue lovin'
'Cause you're considered wifey and I'm considered husband
And I'ma always be there for you

And either way you look at it, I ain't goin' nowhere for my muffin'
'Cause she gonna hold it down, can't nobody tell her nothin'
You got the kind of love that always make a better fussin'
And that's what gets me closer to you

And no one knows why I'm into you
'Cause you'll never know what it's like to walk in our shoes
And no one know the things we've been through
Can never measure up to half of what I put you through
That's why we'll break through

And I don't care what they say, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you

Seems like every day that go by, things are gettin' harder
Wanna be the one that give you the whole enchilada
'Cause I know what my baby like, I lean you on that Prada
You ain't got to match with the shoes

All about knowin' you, I'm into doin' things to keep her longer
Stickin' together forever, watch you grow stronger
That's the way it has to be, everythin' problem
Keepin' it always true

And no one knows why I'm into you
'Cause you'll never know what it's like to walk in our shoes
And no one know the things we've been through
Can never measure up to half of what I put you through
That's why we'll break through

And I don't care what they say, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do, I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you, I'm gonna be with you

You are everythin' in my life, see the joy you bring
And ain't no one I compare you to

sometimes

There's not a lot u could say or do to make me walk away.

I will deal with ur bullshit, ur bad days, ur stupid comments, ur temper, ur dick moves, and ur annoying little habits.

I will deal with it because it is what makes u who u are.

Which is the person I love.

I want to be with u so Im willing to take the good and the bad.

But if u ever stop wanting me like i want u, just tell me.

Because when you love someone sometimes u have to set them free... 

SOMETIMES.

Happy Woman's Day!

The world says it is difficult to understand a woman because she is full of contradiction, full of vanity, jealousy, greed and ego. Her mind full of insatiable desires for wealth luxury and lavish lifestyles. But the truth is, a woman is:

A reservoir of Love, overflowing with compassion, caring and forgiving. 

With a Heart full of sweetness, A voice soothing and delicate. 

A woman makes world troubles melt, with just her full, genuine smile. 

The kindness and tender feelings only a woman can give usually go unrecognized.

 I wish the world were kinder to this kindest souls of creation! and that is the WOMAN. 

"You can only push a woman once until she walks out in your life on her own, So be careful and make sure this is really what you want! Because once she turns around, she isn't coming back anymore."

1st March 2012

regret.

sangat regret.

rase mcm LOSER gile.

Im not suppose to do that.

Urghhhh. 

Bodoooo.

O Allah. 

Tabahkanla hatiku.

Cekalkan hatiku.

Tolongla hamba-Mu ini melawan hasutan syaitan.

Bagila hamba-Mu ini merasai kemanisan Islam-Mu.

Hamba-Mu ini berdosa Ya Allah.

Ampunkan dosa-dosa ku. 

:'(

That feelin', killing me slowly.

There's something that i felt that i cant tell others. 

I miss him. Badly. Seriously.

Hurmmmmm. 

O Allah. You know the best. You know what we as human and others thing dont know.

Please give me strength.

Please show me the truth O Allah. 

Only you, O Allah i kept faith. 

Please O Allah. 

Only you The Greatest. 

Aminnn.

i cant sleep yesterday

entah kenape, semalam aku tak boleh tidur langsung.

puas da golek sane sini.

tak jugak boleh tidur.

aku da main chess smpai 3x. 2 menang dan satu draw. (sebab aku tinggal king jek, da 50 step)

pastu main unblock me pulak.

pun tak boleh gak tidur.

belek gmbar-gambar kat gallery.

rindu betul kat baby. huhu.

pastu br aku perasan ade satu gambar aku ni, gile tembam. 

perghhh. rase nk kaki jek.

hahahaha. 

then siap berlakon tidur bile dgr ibu nk masuk bilik.

sudahnye, kul 5.58 br tidur. 

mase org da sibuk-sibuk nk azan subuh tuuuu.

naharommm punye shazana. 

terus tak subuhh.

Allah bagi saket sebab nk hapuskan dosa-dosa kecik.

aku plak pi buat dosa lagi. 

hoho.

Ampunkan hamba mu yang selalu membuat khilaf ya Allah.

To someone that I love: my heartbeat

Ini sepatutnye entry pukul 3.24 pagi. tapi sbb ade orang da tutup internet aku, so, aku br update arini. hoho.

Nape kau selalu cube utk menyakitkan hati aku?
Nape kau selalu rase aku ni tak berguna?
Ape sebenarnye yang kau nak dari aku?

Sepanjang cuti ni, i did everything to impress u.
Di sebabkan dia datang, kau terus tunjuk belang.
Kau layan aku macam sampah just because kau tetibe masuk dapur, buat puding tu and maki-maki aku.
Sebab kau da beli barang tapi aku tak jugak buat2 puding tu.
Selama aku dekat rumah ni, ade kau tgk aku duduk goyang kaki?
I did everything before I can relax.
Aku masak and buat jelly because I want to do it.
Aku tak suke di pakse.
Aku bukan maid.
Aku ni sebenarnye sape bagi kau?

So, kenapa kau perlu pakse-pakse benda yang aku nk buat.
Aku tak suruh kau buat pun puding tu.
Memang aku nk buat bagi kau makan.
Dengan IKHLAS.
Tak payah kau terjerit-jerit maki aku pun, aku settled everything.

And today, sebenarnye da 3 hari aku demam, saket tekak, hidung berdarah and muntah.
Kau tau ke?
Tak tau kan?
Sebab kau hanya pikirkan diri kau.
Aku tak buat keja sebab aku mmg tak larat.
Aku hope die utk tolong aku buat keja.
And ape yang aku buat selame ni useless.
U said it loudly just now.
"Ahhh. ****** tu tak gune".
Only her and her in ur mind.
Die yang masak and tolong kau.

Fine.

I didnt impress u at all.
And u said, im useless for u. Aku tak function pun dalam hidup kau.
Either u really mean it or not, did u know aku ni berperasaan?
Aku memang tak nak ungkit kisah silam kita, but everytime u did this to me.
Seriously, i hate u.
Really-really hate u.

Sedihnye menumpang kasih macam ni.

Bukan niat aku nk memburukkan kau.
Tapi aku hanya manusia biasa yang perlukan tempat utk luahkan perasaan.
Andai umur aku tak panjang, aku nk mintak ampun dari hujung rambut sampai hujung kaki.
I still love u no matter what.

Biasela, aku kan meroyan kejap jek.
Ni tido kejap lagi, bangun nanti da lupe da sket.
Kalau kau tau la perangai aku.
Tapi aku tak rase kau tau.
Kau kan hanya nampak the dark side of me.
Yang kuat melenting, derhaka, pemarah.
Im react to what had happen in my past.
Only to you yang keluarkan harsh word to me.
Bila aku melenting, kau kate aku tak boleh bergurau.
Gurau gurau jugak, perasaan orang tolong jage.

Tak pela.
Mengalah jela. Sabar jela kan?
Walau pun aku da berpuluh kali give up dengan hidup ni sebab kau.

Ermm.

Seburuk-buruk kau, kau still someone in my heart.

Help me, O Allah.

Since aku masuk utm ni, aku tak taula nape aku mesti selalu bermasalah asyik kene jumpe pihak atasan. kalau dulu waktu mula-mula masuk utm bermasalah sebab tak boleh transfer credit. aku kene gak ikut 4 years course yang di tawarkan. But ulang alik, turun naik pejabat, kene maki basuh ngn ex-KJ yang dulu, Alhamdullilah everything settled. Tu pun second sem baru dapat tau yang aku boleh teruskan belajar with 2 years jek.

Now, da nak last sem, aku pulak failed statistik. Urghhhhhhhhhhh~ WTH! Da la di tawarkan subject tu once a year. Ni nk grad acane ni? Takkan semate-mate utk sastistic, aku kene extend? Urghhhhhh! On Monday ni, kene jumpe Ketua Jabatan to discuss with him. Hopefully he can help me. Atleast to D+. Tak mau repeat. Tu jek. I dont think so kalau aku repeat balek pun, I can do much better. Calculation mmg aku blurr. Haihhh.

O Allah. You know the best. Please smooth everything that I been through. Aminnn.

Saya Failed Statistic II

Failure can be a huge blessing in disguise sometimes! Take the lessons, walk away, hold your head up high, and ask Allah to direct your path.

“Wallahu khairul maakirin.” dan Allah adalah sebaik2 Perancang. [3:54]

tak suke lelaki yang buat lawak bodoh out of sudden.

Suasana Jusco Bukit Indah yang sesak ramai orang walaupun hari bekerja sangat buat aku rimas. Dengan wedges yang tinggi ni, rase nk campak jek kasut ketepi then berkaki ayam. Tapi memandangkan hari ni aku dress up vogue sket, so aku lupekan hasrat di hati. Ibu tetibe bersuara, jom pi makan ABC, ibu hausla. Aku heret mereka ke food court. Tah nape, hari ni rase tak de mood. Bukan tak de langsung, ade jugak, but still mcm nk marah jek. Nape tahh. Mase kat food court:


Lelaki cashier: Nak minum ape?
Aku: ABC ye bang, Tak mau kacang tanah.
Lelaki cashier: Ktorg mmg tak letak kacang tanah, ktorg letak kacang sungai. HAHA.
Aku: .............. (sambil menjeling dalam hati da sumpah seranah. Ingat lawak ke?)


Time aku ade mood, bolehla aku senyum atau buat2 ketawa dengan lawak bangang abang tu. Ni aku tengah tak de mood, pi wat lawak camtuh pe kehal? Haihhh. Tak pasal2 kene jeling. Terus senyap. Mase nk amek ABC da siap, berani lagi tanye umur bape. Aku jawab 28 tahun. HAHAHAHA. Terkedu member. Padan muke kene tipu! Huhhh.

i dont have an answer if you asked me "are you alright?"

why these past few days i felt like im too suck?

baby, i need u.

i want u.

please be with me, sayang. 

pretty please.

serabot. gloomy. sad. 

kusut. sekusutnye.

i need to pray. but i cant.

hati xtenang ni.

whats wrong my heart?

nape ni? nape?

tolongla jangan meroyan camni tetibe.

i cant take it.

*deep sigh*

Kene dumb itu rase die noob!

Starting with aku celeb birth my best buddy ever dengan buat suprise party for him. Then i decided untuk let him go cause even im just a friend with him, tapi xmola kacau hubungan die dengan someone else yang die rapat. Bile die tiup lilin yang aku pegang, i did make a wish too. Jumpekan someone yang boleh buat aku renggang sikit dengan die. Sebab everything happen, he's the first person to know. Text 24/7, call. Kadang2 teman makan, buat orang fikir that both of us ade something. But only us know the truth.

snow kat ktr. hikhik.

Then with the same day, only diff time, dalam kul 8, im hanging out with zye, ajam and syawal where the story begin. I love u so much. So so much. Tak pernah aku sayang orang macam mane aku sayang kau. Seriously. You have no idea what i am willing to do. What i already did for you. Sumpah. I never do all those kind with someone else. You give me light. You give me hope. You give me strength. You encourage me. You are my everything. Just only you dont have any idea what i aimed for us. 

In a blink of eyes, you had change. I taught I know u very well. But seems Im totally wronged. Aku tak tau sebenarnye ape yang kau pk. Ape yang kau rase. I am a girl who can tolerate. But you never give me chance. You never be honest with me. Tah la. Tak tau nk fikir ape when you did all those things to me. Sanggup kerja from 12 to 12. I lost my BFF. Amie and yo. I lost alip. Semua because of you. Tapi semua ni takdir. Takdir yang terpakse aku terima. Sebab aku dulu banyak mainkan perasan orang. Yeah. Yeahh. I know. Karma is bitch. Aku jadik too pasif. Kejap2 nanges. Kejap2 msg fendi. Mintak advice and so on. Pergi kerja pun macam ape da. You have no idea what i have been through. Hurmmm.

Ramai yang cube untuk jadik hero when you left me. But aku tak berminat. Sikit pun tak. Still hoping that you will be back. Bodohkan? Sampaila saat game Manchester United vs Liverpool. Semua terbongkar. Kau da pun hancurkan hati aku, tapi kali ni, sumpah saket. Saket sangat. Makan muntah, makan muntah. Tak tidur. Gloomy. Da macam orang gile. Almost half year kau buat aku camni. Tapi aku bersyukur sebab at last Allah tunjuk who you really are. Do you know what that effect my life now? Aku tak boleh tengok kereta MYVI Hitam. Aku tak boleh nk makan KFC. Aku tak boleh dengar name kau. Aku tak boleh dengar name fakulti kejuruteraan elektrik. Aku tak boleh pi KTC and K10. Aku tak boleh pi S44. It is all because of you. You are too suck!

Da lame kite lost contact, when I becoming CEO of U! Show's, u did come! As a staller. Game ape yang kau cube main ni? Game ape? Hurmm. Please. Give me back my life. Give me back the old shazana. Shazana that never give up. Shazana that happy go lucky person. Shazana that always smile. Shazana that can survive with any circumstances. Please. Now, Im close with my hughug. I really2 need you to go from my life. Please. Let me try love him as I love you. Even more than I love you. Please. He's too kind. Always there when I need someone. Not even pakse aku untuk love him. He said, no hurry. He will wait. Just try harder to forget about my xyz. Hurmm. Sorry. Sorry kalau kite tak sebagus as you taught. Tak sebaek yang awak nak. Part paling terharu bila awak solat hajat when kite was sick. Terlantar tak bangun tu. You are too kind. Semoga Allah bukakan hati kite untuk sayang awak macam mane awak sayangkan kite. Give me time.k? I will try very very hard to left all this memory behind. 

*My hughug give this song to me.

Kau boleh acuhkan diriku
Dan anggap ku tak ada
Tapi takkan merubah perasaanku
Kepadamu

Kuyakin pasti suatu saat
Semua kan terjadi
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu
Apapun terjadi
Kujanjikan aku ada

Kau boleh jauhi diriku
Namun kupercaya
Kau kan mencintaiku
Dan tak akan pernah melepasku

Aku mau mendampingi dirimu
Aku mau cintai kekuranganmu
Aku yang rela terluka
Untuk masa lalu

hypophrenia

I am having a vague feeling of sadness seemingly without causes!

mood booster

seriously, why should i think about things that not important to me right? its useless!

u dont even think about me. why should i?

be selfish sometimes can help u in sentence ways.

let it shine, babe! let it shine!

Adam

Situasi : Di Chicken Rice Shop untuk brunch.




Adam: Mummy tau tak kolej tu dalam bahase melayu.

Mummy: Ooo. Mummy baru tau la. Kalau in english ape?

Adam: Junior lab la kan mummy kan? kan?

Mummy: ............................. *blushing. tak tau nk jawab ape*
(dalam hati, aku yang tak pandai ke or die yang terlebih cerdik? Confiuse kejap)

DLS

i like the way you look at me.

i like the way you smile at me.

i like the way you treat me.

i like your perfurme.

i like your style and coolness.

i like you the way you are.









but................................................................................................

tulang rusuk

Sangat comel bile awak kata:

"Alhamdullilah, saya cukup sifat. Saya bersyukur dengan apa yang saya ada. Cuma saya perlu mencari yang hilang."

Bila di tanya apa yang hilang? Awak menjawab:

"Tulang rusuk saya. Adakah tulang rusuk saya ada dekat awak?"



Im speechless. Tak tahu nk response ape. You put a smile in my face. :))

hati memberontak!

nape mesti nk call and ungkit all those story?
aku tak layan pun strangers.
kalau aku tak nak kat someone, i told him nicely.
yang kau nk call ambush aku ni pehal?
tak bermakna, im not interested in him, aku tak boleh berkawan langsung dengan dorg?
aku tau kau dari zaman yang berbeza.
so, pleasela faham.
nowadays, bukan boleh rejected lelaki just like that.


im 24, babe! im 24.
i know what i want in my life.
yeah. yeah. you can said that you makan garam all those things.
tapi biarla aku rase sendiri.
kalau ini buat tak boleh, itu buat tak boleh, ape gune di cipta rules?

aku tengah pening with my assignment yang bertimbun.
and kite tak pernah baik pun since aku small.
since aku masuk utm jek kau baru nak buka mata pandang aku.
so, what is the big deal?

aku da biase pun dengan life alone ni.
tak payah nk cakap menyakitkan hati aku.
kau buat aku jadik derhaka jek.
please ok, please.

lost at this moment

lately ni, aku sangat busy.
busy with all these student stuff.
memang weird bile coolest student like me talking like nerdo!
tapi nk buat macam mane.
this gonna be my last year in utm.


my feeling right now, heartless.
badan aku penat sangat.
otak aku blurr tak boleh pk.
kalau ade orang yang tengok keadaan aku skrng ni, confirm dorg kate aku tgh high.






SHAZANA NOR HASAN,
please dont be like this.
buruk nohh rupenye.
chaiyok2. gambate sha! gambate!